8 Things That Will Happen If The Saints Make It To The Super Bowl

My sister sent this to me. It’s a lot funnier if you’re from New Orleans but you might laugh anyway, especially at #1, 3 and 7.

If the Saints are in the Super Bowl, New Orleans is likely to explode into a chaotic revelry unlike anything the city has ever seen before. Add in the fact that they’ll be in the midst of Mardi Gras during the game and it’s almost scary to think what could go down here on February 7, 2010 if the Saints are in Miami.

Here are some things we might see:

1. Alcohol shortages: All groceries, convenience stores and drug stores within a 100 mile radius of New Orleans will completely sell out of beer, wine and liquor. If the Saints make the Super Bowl, you should stock up at least a week in advance otherwise you’ll be stuck with soda and water.

2. Extreme noise: The sounds of 1.13 million cheering fans in metro New Orleans will reach more than 500 decibels. Hundreds of thousands of stomping feet will create shockwaves and tremors as far away as Houston and Atlanta.

3. Regional smoke screen and CO2 emissions: Smoke from barbecue pits, fireworks and bonfires will create a 250-mile long cloud in the sky that will be seen from satellites and on Google Earth. Tens of thousands of residents will boil seafood in their backyards and CO2 emissions from the burning propane tanks will create a hole in the ozone above New Orleans.

4. Total gridlock: The crowds of people trying to get to the French Quarter will back up traffic all the way to Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. You’ll likely have to park there and walk the rest of the way. The line to get into Pat O’Brien’s will end somewhere in the suburbs and the spillover from Bourbon Street will run all the way to U.N.O.

5. The city will use parking tickets to fund Mayor Nagin’s world travels: The City of New Orleans Parking Enforcement will mark the day on the calendar and send out busloads of meter maids to issue thousands of tickets to those having a good time downtown. They’ll use the proceeds to send Mayor Nagin on a luxury 13-day cruise down the Nile followed by a jaunt into space with Richard Branson.

6. New Orleans will put out 3 more port-o-lets: In response to the massive crowds, the city will put 3 more port-o-lets for a grand total of 12. This will increase ratio of toilets-to-people to an impressive 1 toilet per 24,000 visitors. The wait time to pee in the French Quarter will drop from five hours to only three.

7. Who Dat migration: Thousands of vehicles, mostly Chevy Silverados with fleur de lis stickers in the back windows, will make the trip down I-10 then head south on I-75 and I-95 to Miami. “Who Dat!” will be heard at dozens of gas stations along the way which will also subsequently sell out of Bud Light. Much of the 862 miles of interstate between New Orleans and Miami will be littered with beer cans and chicken bones.

8. Thousands of televisions will need to be replaced: Country folk Who Dats on the north shore and in wooded areas surrounding New Orleans will shoot out their televisions in excitement.