Monday, November 8, 2010

Deep

Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? That kind of love that involves a total connection, finish each others’ sentences, read each other’s minds, reach for the thing the other person asks for before they ask?

When your connection is that strong, do you ever hide anything? If you are involved with someone so much that you share everything, do you really share everything? And should you?

Are there thoughts that should remain entirely yours? Little private pictures in your brain that are uniquely yours. You are not necessarily hiding anything from your significant other or anyone else, you’re just keeping some things to yourself. Those thoughts belong to you and no one else.

Is there anything wrong with that strategy? If you are that connected, is anything off limits? Does it matter if some things are off limits?

I have an endless curiosity about people. I often want to know their deepest thoughts, secrets, parts of their past. Some of my friends share amazing private things with me; others hold back. I can be trusted but, honestly, some things are really none of my business. The person I’ve shared the last sixteen years with has locked up whole segments of thought and feeling and has never shared the key. Other people I’m close with, for years or decades, have opened up to me in much greater detail but something is always held back. Human nature, I guess.

I’m an open book … up to a point. I want to know things about people that are quite inappropriate and I will often share the same about me; but there is a line. I don’t know how to define it in myself any more than I know how others decide where there line is and who is allowed to cross it. I have a great desire to be understood yet I hate having to explain myself.

The private thoughts I’m referring to are not topics like murder, robbery or cheating on an exam. I’m mostly talking about innocent things like embarrassing moments or complicated nerdy thought processes resulting in simple decisions or sexy daydreams or refusing to admit you didn’t know something that everyone but you seems to know.

Are there hidden thoughts, feelings or emotions relating to what you’d accept versus what you really want in a given situation? Do you find yourself outwardly professing a certain belief but inwardly knowing you could make huge exceptions under certain circumstances?

I don’t have much else to say about this. Just digging deep into a jar of food for thought and sharing a little with you tonight.

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