Everything in life involves some kind of risk. We risk our lives just driving to work every day. Travelling by plane, opening the front door, falling in love all involve some element of risk. I am not known as a risk-taker but I have certainly taken my share. I am usually more subtle about it and I tend to favor calculated risks. I want to fully weigh the odds before deciding to risk anything.

This is on my mind tonight because a few hours ago I had my final pre-op doctor visit before eye surgery. The guy who is doing the surgery has a very calm nature and inspires confidence. He also outlines in excruciating detail the risks involved in cataract surgery. I think I heard him say “the risks are very small” at least five times. I asked him if I was turning green. He said no. That kind of surgery is almost routine for most people but I happen to have another eye issue that increases some of the risks for me. Most people have good outcomes with this surgery and most patients are older than I am. Being younger than average and having a mild but incurable degenerative eye disease feeds into the negative side of my obsessive nature.

I read and re-read the informed consent form, asked my usual twenty questions, then signed the document. Knowing me as I do, I will continue to obsess for the remaining twelve days before he digs into my eye, removes one thing, inserts another and closes it. While I dwell on that, I will also remind myself that EVERYBODY I know who has had this procedure came away with good results. Everyone I know who knows somebody who has had this procedure said those people came away with good results. Friends, including one in the medical profession, encourage me and hopefully will to continue their positive thoughts as I annoy the shit out of them with my obsessive worrying. I predict that one or two days before the operation, the balance of my emotions will have shifted to the positive side and I will go there with confidence and achieve the expected good outcome.

Meanwhile I’ll try some humor to calm me and steer my focus away from the risks. After all, the surgery is all in the eye of the beholder. Here’s looking at you kid. See ya.