Willpower

I’m laughing at myself right now. I just made a decision between a bowl of ice cream and a margarita … I chose the ice cream. Sure, I could have had both but I have willpower. At least that’s what I tell myself. Did I say “bowl” of ice cream? It started as a small bowl, but I went back for more and finished the pint.

I’ve been pretty good about the diet I put myself on a few months ago. I had identified my food weaknesses and finally made a plan I could stick to. I lost fifteen of the twenty I was shooting for. Notice this is past tense. A side effect of the meds I was on last week is increased appetite. Wow, they weren’t kidding. The vending machine that’s fifty feet from my desk at work is one of the weaknesses I identified and I went for nearly three months without feeding that beast. Last week, however, I popped coins and bills into that thing several times a day.

Ice cream is another weakness. I have a tremendous amount of willpower at the grocery store, but not much at home. When I decided to stop eating ice cream, I simply stopped buying it. No problem. Last week a pint of ice cream appeared at home – the thoughtful reward for a rough two months of med issues. I ate a little that night then forgot it was there. Tonight, while opening the freezer for something else, I saw the ice cream. Mmmmm. The rest is caloric history.

I was actually in the mood for the margarita but I had stumbled over my willpower Saturday night at a party and had more to drink than I wanted, so my normal sensibilities let me to reject the Cuervo tonight. My kind or balancing act. My usual willpower is quite annoying to people. At times I am both stubborn and obsessive. I usually put these characteristics to good purposes but sometimes I am just annoying. The ice cream triggered the obsessive side and killed the willpower.

Now I am obsessively telling this story. I think I’ll just stop.