Tuesday, December 18, 2012
As I inch closer to a new chapter in my life, I wake up this morning with a churning stomach, partly due to the lingering effects of a bad cold and partly because of an incredible amount of stress. Movers arrive in two days, signaling what should be a day of celebration for me, but I continue to face roadblocks in my attempts to move on with my life. At this moment I trust almost no one, and seriously doubt my own ability to judge character. Yesterday afternoon I thought I had overcome the major obstacles to moving forward but last night saw there are more.
In my twenties my personality was largely negative. Decades ago I turned that around and became the model of optimism. Right now it is all I can do to believe that my normally positive outlook still exists and that it will carry me through the end of the week. A voice very deep in the recesses of my mind is trying to tell me I can survive this with my personality intact, but a louder voice is shouting messages to the contrary. Seeing the possibility that this Friday will be a better day than today is a true sign of my faith in myself, but that faith is faltering.