Sunday, February 12, 2017

The C Diet

Warm Italian meatballs swimming in tangy marinara sauce fills the bowl, covering al dente rigatoni. Garlic bread sits at the edge of the plate, still steaming from from its tenure in the oven moments ago. The white and red place setting is flanked by a fork, a knife and a glass of fine Chianti Classico.

Ok, so that's what my teasing brain sees. What's really there on the table in front of me?  A tall glass of bottled water, another glass filled with clear apple juice and a hot cup of black coffee. Breakfast. On colonoscopy prep day.

Wait, excuse me, I have to pee. Be right back.


Ok, so where was I?

Mmmm, what's for lunch? Cold water, chilled Gatorade and a warm mug of clear chicken broth.

Hang on, be right back.


Dinner?  Sprite, water, broth, black coffee and the first dose of that stuff that will clear out nearly all of whatever is left inside of me.

Oops, back in a sec.


So when was the first colonoscopy done? I assumed twenty years ago, which is when I first heard about the procedure. I was wrong. The first one was performed ...

Be right back...

... almost 48 years ago, in 1969. I'm trying to imagine that. You know how small cameras are now, right? And how large they were then.

... hang on...

More facts: a colonoscope is small, flexible tube that is 42 to 72 inches long. Maybe you didn't want to know that. Me neither. Actually, maybe you don't want to know that I'm having a colonoscopy. Even though it is a potentially life-saving medical procedure recommended for everyone over 50 (in other words, all boomers), it might still fit in the 'too much information' category. So I'll stop now, partly because this is gross and partly because

... gotta go again.

Bye!

No comments: