Giving Thanks

Does your family have Thanksgiving Day traditions?  Did you grow up with food-filled festivities, a table topped with turkey, dressing, cranberries and pumpkin pie?

That’s sort of the Norman Rockwell painting version of this American holiday and fortunately many boomers grew up with that scenario in their own homes.

My Dad’s side of the family was second and third generation Italian, so we often had Grandma’s incredible lasagna too.  It was always fun and anticipation was amply rewarded.

Through a long stretch of my adult years, I experienced “holiday depression” around Thanksgiving. The day did not match my memories or expectations, for a variety of reasons. I believe that is the case for many people. Aging, divorce and loneliness are often the reasons for the emotional mismatch. Youthful joy is often replaced by adult reality.

My worst Thanksgiving was in 2001. September: the fear surrounding the terrorist attacks. October: sadness and frustration as we moved my parents into a nursing home. Early November: Dad died. Then comes Thanksgiving and Christmas. My marriage was crumbling through that whole fall too. It was a struggle for me to muster my usual positive attitude and find anything to be thankful for.

The worst part of that whole picture was something I’ll never forgive my ex for saying: “when are you going to get over it?”

I sensed then and learned later that you rarely ‘get over’ grief and loss and you don’t really have to. The pain usually subsides over time and your reaction changes. The sadness yields to a more joyful feeling. It can take months, years or decades and should never be rushed. And it’s also fine if it never happens. 

Fortunately for me, the holiday depression is mostly behind me. The life I designed for myself when I finally had the emotional strength to go out on my own again six years ago has come together in ways far beyond my greatest expectations.

So I have plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I found the love of my life five years ago and her whole wonderful wacky family loves me as much as I love them. I am in touch with friends and family near (MD, VA) and far (NC, LA, DE, FL, TX, WI, HI, UK). I have a new social circle in the neighborhood I chose six years ago. My health is pretty good, despite MS. I continue to grow in my job while simultaneously planning for retirement.

And thanks to my girlfriend’s daughter-in-law’s parents’  insistence that everyone they know should come to their house, my Thanksgiving Day will include food-filled festivities, a table topped with turkey, dressing, cranberries and pumpkin pie.

And wine.

Life is good. Happy Thanksgiving!!