If Neckties Could Talk

Dark blue, light blue and gray diagonal stripes stretch from a Windsor knot at my neck down to a point slightly obscuring my belt buckle. White shirt, gray pants and a black jacket make up the rest of my wardrobe. I’m sitting in the second pew at a Baptist Church waiting for a funeral service.

The casket is fifteen feet to my front left, one half is open, revealing the deceased. They did a good job with his body. He does look the same as when I last saw him a couple of years ago, more or less. Chuck is my girlfriend’s cousin, so I’ve met him a few times at family events, but I didn’t know him very well. And I didn’t really want to sit that close to a dead body, but there wasn’t much choice.

I only wear a tie a few times a year. I like dressing up but there is rarely any need to. As I was tying my necktie, it occurred to me that this tie has observed several events and people in the seven or eight years I’ve owned it. It’s not my only tie, but it is the one I wear most often.

So what has my tie seen?

I wore that tie the day I had the honor of interviewing Loretta Lynch when she was the Attorney General. If my tie could talk, it would say that Ms Lynch was friendly, focused and very prepared for our conversation about the opioid crisis. She was surrounded by young staffers and I and my tie have no idea what role each of them played. The conference room was elegantly appointed with a huge, dark wood conference table surrounded by large, plush chairs. My tie might also note that the room acoustics were horrible for recording.

Another event my blue gray striped tie witnessed was a reception several years ago for broadcasters who have worked in the Washington/Baltimore region for 25 years or more. I was there. I didn’t actually remember that’s the tie I wore, but while I was searching for a photo of something else, I found a group picture from that event.

If my tie could talk, it would proclaim that it met some local TV and radio legends. It might also make snarky comments about one of the other guys in the photo.

If my necktie could talk about the funeral I mentioned earlier, it would have plenty to say. Around two hundred people paid their respects.  My tie saw three incredible, funny, emotional eulogies as well as a line of friends and family well-wishers stretching all the way back to the lobby.

The most interesting thing my necktie would likely recall is the religious sincerity of many of the people who were there. This is the church of the deceased and his mother and the site of his father’s funeral just a few years earlier. 

Mixed in with the religious aspects of the funeral service, was a decidedly secular yet appropriate element I did not expect, but which was appealing to me. A short Star Trek-themed video showcasing phrases and photographs celebrating Chuck’s life played on a large screen above the altar. The deceased was in the entertainment production business and was a big Star Trek fan.

Funerals are usually sad events and there certainly was some crying at this one, but the main theme was a celebration of this man’s life.

If my tie could talk it might also note that a stain glass mural depicting Jesus was located above the big screen, looking down on the proceedings. The more devout believers in that church that day might say that visual was more than just a coincidence.